Download PDF Family Secrets: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You, by John Bradshaw
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Family Secrets: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You, by John Bradshaw
Download PDF Family Secrets: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You, by John Bradshaw
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This work examines the family's mysterious power to affect our lives. The book explains how secrets are created, how they influence us, and the risks and benefits of exploring them. With the aid of a genogram, the book provides us with a step-by-step guide to uncovering the secrets of the past and present. There are many case studies which illustrate how we can recognize crucial gaps and silences, reconstruct missing information and decipher partial memories. The book provides advice on how to deal with the truths revealed and shows us ways to stay safely and honestly connected with our families.
- Sales Rank: #1750570 in Books
- Published on: 1995-09-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.21" h x .91" w x 6.14" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Bradshaw (Homecoming) takes us on a revealing and sometimes frightening tour of the family's mysterious power over us and shows how we are influenced by its "toxic secrets," which run the gamut from "normal" problems, such as marital discord and emotional repression, to more damaging experiences, such as drug addiction and sexual abuse. Using the story of The Wizard of Oz as an analogy, Bradshaw explains why we must "leave home to find home." He then takes us on a journey through the "haunted forest" and shows, step by step, how to reimagine our families, draw family maps using a tool called a genogram to chart key relationships, and discover the dark secrets of our parents and ancestors-to help us understand what made our parents act as they did. Finally, we can "get back to Kansas" by finding and freeing ourselves from our own dark secrets while remaining connected to the family. An appendix discusses the paradoxical nature of memory. Important reading for anyone who has children or grew up with parents. Illustrations. Simultaneous release from BDD Audio.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
The author who mapped our "inner children" now offers counsel on the dangers of closet-dwelling skeletons.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
With a quarter-million-copy first printing, simultaneous audiobook release, and a new PBS series, self-help psychology guru Bradshaw returns with a vengeance. The subject of his multimedia barrage is the bad stuff family members hide from each other. These dark secrets, as Bradshaw calls them, range from relatively undamaging events concerning death, birth, and suffering to severely, even criminally harmful acts, including alcoholism, incest, and murder. In the book's three major parts, Bradshaw distinguishes healthy from unhealthy secrets, proffers a tool for self-ascertainment of family secrets, and counsels those who unearth dark secrets on what to do with their discoveries. In an appendix, he distinguishes the much-publicized phenomenon of repressed memory from false memory syndrome. The latter, he says, though vociferously advocated by those victimized by family members claiming to recall incest and other enormities, has not been clearly defined by clinicians. He does not, however, clearly indicate what clinicians like him mean when they say, as he does in "A Final Word of Caution," "The traumatic abuse of children by their guardians and relatives occurs with great frequency." What is "great frequency" ? Is this a statement about Bradshaw's clientele, or is he asserting that American society is rife with interfamilial abuse? If the former, it's understandable; if the latter, many will condemn Bradshaw, not unjustifiably, for being an alarmist bent on aggrandizing his trade. Ray Olson
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A great book for all that have been affected by secrets ...
By Craig Shaw
A great book for all that have been affected by secrets that were prevented from being told. Everyone deserves to know the truth and this book show why secrets can harm people and families.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Understanding how you got to be who you are
By A Customer
Reading Family Secrets allowed me to understand my family and myself at a deeper level. While reading the book, I often burst into tears of healing and compassion for myself and those in my family of origin. It allowed me to give myself a break about some of the things I've done and things I thought, realizing that I got those beliefs unconsciously from my family. It is a must read for anyone looking to truly understand their family and love themselves.
21 of 23 people found the following review helpful.
Get Answers to Questions That You Didn't Know You Had
By Carmen Matthews
I first read this book, June 1995, while sitting at the beach, far away from a store, and one month before I was to host a family-reunion.
My mind was searching for a way to be who I decide I am, while I do my best to respect each of my family members - a tall order, at best.
Usually, while I am reading a book, be that fiction or non-fiction, I have paper to write notes into. But I didn't have them, at this time.
One chapter into reading this wonderful book, I had to leave the beach, to buy a notebook, because there are so many powerful tools in this book, ones which I absolutely had to capture in my own written words, as the thoughts and emotions rose up.
And once I finished reading this book, and reviewed my notes, I was still amazed at how much more I knew about each of my family members, particularly the one family member who until then I wondered if he even had emotions.
You cannot passively read a book like this, and expect to heal what ails you. You must partner with John Bradshaw, to understand who you are, through who you have and may still be surrounded by.
I had one challenge, in reading this book: John Bradshaw advises readers to ask relatives about facts about other relatives. In some families, communication is so toxic that no one will tell the truth.
And when this is the case, in your family, as you ask yourself the questions, look around you, and expect to find the answer, through holding the question close to your soul.
Also, if you haven't read a book like this, and done extensive work, prior, you could look around you, and see who in your life is a mirror of your family members.
This will speak volumes to you.
Reading this book, prior to hosting my family reunion was so cathartic that my mantra became, "I don't care how many actually show up. I'll do my part to encourage those who do show up to feel welcome."
What I noticed, and continue to notice, as a result of having read this wonderful book, is that no matter where we come from, we can use that past to claim our voice. And doing this does require us to admit, over and over again, what was, and what we desire.
For those who believe that looking back in the past is blaming those from the past; dangerous; or, is a risk of being trapped by the past, I must say that having studied my past, I am free to look at my notes and see that what I was really doing was accepting who and where I was then.
It is in accepting our deepest pains that we automatically enhanced who we are.
Read this book to use your past to catapult yourself into your true self.
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